relapse

i’m pretty sure
this chill could freeze me over
here in the shade
i’m not thinking anymore
nor am i staying sober
nor considering the prices i’ll have to pay
for this bohemian rhapsody
the synergy climaxes and snaps on me
and my focus falls from my grasp
but the night always brings it back
to me.
and i haven’t got issues with the chronic relapse
it illuminates the dull
and it always stops to ask
if i’m happy with my state
at the wrong moment
on the wrong day
but hey i like it that way
i like to learn it
just to know it
won’t change who i am
here’s my diary-watch me burn it
cause no matter what
i do- i am
always rearranging
everything around me
but my mind is unchanging
and the world turns without me
and the fire burns without me
and your head hurts less without me
and there’s nothing i’d hate more
than to watch you collapse
so i blind myself
and give into the relapse
and this is the wrong moment
and the wrong day
but hey, i don’t own it
i just let it show me the way
down the blossoming path toward caves upon caves
where i can eventually retreat
and call them my home
until i can call them my grave