Thinking just hurts
Here in my
Eternal freeze but
Really what do I deserve? Please
Ensure me that this
Insanity will someday leave
Nothing adds up when I’m
Loving my afflictions
In and out of
every thing, the world cannot
Satisfy me and my convictions

Taking my thoughts aside
Hearing sirens in the distance
Excruciating compromise
Can I truly risk this?
Only time, they say can tell
My distinction and my purpose
Planned out however well you’re still
Lying if you say
It’s not all worthless so
Carry me home
And please put me to bed I
Think I need to be alone
Inside my room and my head
Oh what a tragedy that
No one will ever see

Ominous clouds hung over our
Heads on this deeming afternoon. you ask
Who am i? but really, who the fuck are you? do you
Heal the sick? turn water to wine?
And if you know either of those
Tricks, i’ll lend you my time. but so far
All i’ve seen-it don’t even warrant my nod so
Take your bullshit down the street where they’ll all
Regard you as god. you’re
Another page that stays dusted under my bed. you’re a
Growing pain from which i bled. you’re
Everything i maintain i’ll be
Damned before i am
You’re so far from me and
Now baby i can push you alldaway
Out i’ll pushya alldaway
Out you
Name dropping
Excuse makin
Wanna be
Imitation
Lovers quarrel they never
Love are you sore now have you had
Enough
Vengence is nothing but proof i cared so ill
End this if you only swear to never again
Reason with the monster who
Stole your soul and
Excuses your awful art and you should be
Executed for calling this art

Invisible words are escaping from my mouth
Now I turn to you requesting that you call them out
So you ask me what the hell I am talking about but
I don’t know a goddamn thing so just
Dance with me while I sing cause I can’t
Ever say anything without a
Melody and then
You yell at me like I
Really have a choice here while
On the verge of breaking down
Or maybe it’s just my voice, dear
Making your pretty lips frown so let me just
Answer your accusing questions one at a time and then can we dance
Near the band and finish our wine? Cause I
Don’t have the patience, and only a dwindling bank of reason and rhyme and
More so the way this will go is many more
Yeses than nos so
Hold your breath for another girl at another show
Escaping each dawn, my words wake and make a run for it
And so i carry on, persisting while
Done with it

Can’t you be
A little less like me?
Really this is
Ruining my perception of
You, it’s become redundant and
Mundane and
Even if I used to want it just
Hear me out, I used to be a lot less sane
Oh believe it or not, I used to be a lot less sane but
More over, when I’m sober
Everything looks black and white
And while spirited I’m her, yes you know her, galloping from
Night to night
Dancing through the shots and
Parading around the bar why don’t you just
Look at me with the might you’ve got and
Entertain me as to who you
Are
Slowly I snap back into the swing of things and I’m
Encouraging this incessant
Partying but you can bet that
Under the radar I
Take my time
Memorizing
Each face by its
Tone and its line spoken
Outloud
Beneath the roar of the crowd
Everyone knows that when you
Drink you go blind and
I am no exception
To the long withstanding phrase that you
Hear what you want and
If you’ve been taking notes, you’ll find your way BUT
Not one soul is watching and really, only you
Know that the point
Is totally irrelevant
Now cry and run home
Everyone is so afraid of
Everyone, it’s so insane but when you
Don’t even know my name don’t
Tell me how to run my show
On this so far from fateful evening
Breathing is not prolific, sir, it’s breathing and
Even if you want to make your
Art out of pure shit I’m sure
Lots of your friends will feel so
Obliged and tell you that they love it and the
Next day you will feel so goddamn proud just like
Every other oh so enchanted person in this crowd

Put you’re your fucking car keys down and
Listen to my shaking song
All this time I’ve planned to leave town on the
Next bus that comes along and I
Never
Ever intended to hear the
Dissonance in this suburban tale that’s been presented
On the brinks of the towns where
Ultimate doom resides
There’s no mediator around to
Help the kids understand at night the
Ominous stories being told of
Winning and losing souls
Every child has been and is sold there’s
Vomit creeping up my throat
Enjoy the taste of what I think of you in my mouth
Release to me the antidote
Wave your hands and shake it out
Eventually this too will pass but
Like you want it to, I doubt and not
Like you think it will
You’re
Out
Under the deck
Reciting your case
Entering in a wreck
Looking white in the face
You swear to me that now you’ve seen
Into the homes of the silenced
Now you need a stronger crutch you see you’ve
Grown so spineless

If I could only show you this picture diary
Flipping its pages in my memory
You would surely then desire me
Our heavenly stars, you’d capture them for me
Unusual request but if I just
Say it out loud to your face the
Anxieties will all go away
You just never know
If it’s worth the whistle blow if you
Take the road before your eyes or
Stay a minute and analyze the
Notions that have forever held you down
On top of the weight you carried around
The time has come for you to undress
And breathe
Listen
Love, just
Wake and bring yourself to me

Our union is a static one
Recoiled
Too afraid of the dark
Holding on as the others run
Like neighbors from the country club park when you
Eased your mal-tempered voice on me but
Stopped and cried finally and
Said that you’re afraid you’ve never known me

Over the hills of the countryside I ran
Not from the dusk but from the
Lowering skies
You waited for me to tell you
That I was fine but
In my escaping, I lost track of time

Maybe I will camp out here in the woods
Embarrass my family, being
The cliche child so misunderstood
Hearing every sound a song and
Every word a poem
You were right along when you
Said I would never come home

Antithetical stilling peace
Yielding only at the banks of release
Cabernet made me this way
And yes I know you love to say that’s
Nothing but an excuse so just wait
Til your veins are begging for it, too this
Engagement is off I had a
Long talk with
Love and we have
Mutually decided this- will be better for
Your wife, unaware of your mistrress
Don’t dare follow me through the trees today
Instead, go to your bed and lay
Safely with someone who will guard your heart rather
Than chase a stranger who will rip it apart
If you
Need an apology, ask yourself what for? You
Can always cleanse yourself in the morning from
The night before and
If you need to spread your love around
Ornament your obsessions with the
Nice girls
At the pub downtown and if you
Never want to see my face again
Don’t be so quick to think your resentment is unique
Many before
You have ran shouting from these trees
Pull yourself together, dear, before this
Upwelling fury catches wind of your fear it’s getting
Really, really hot in here. I can see the
Pulsation of your heart through your chest In the mirror
Oh, my hands are decaying you, I can
See your bones when I touch you…it will be the
End of you if I ever love you

Even if I hold my breath and count 1, 2, 3 there’s still
X Y Z right behind me
Catching up with my anxiety
Recommending to me variety to
Undo these boredom plagued days
Calling out my birth given name and
In between screams they
Announce that this isn’t a game and
They tell me this isn’t a dream and that
I should stop with the charade and
Now im in my favorite place to be:
Guilt-ridden because of my fantasies I
Crossed the lines and I
Omitted wrong and right and that’s why
My fantasies instead of yours have been
Perfected and brought to life
Remorse, my distant cousin
Only now stops to call me he
Must have done his research and maybe on the
Internet he saw me
Skipping down the streets
Ecstatic with my sister, hedonism –but why must he
Call me? Why not my brother,
Absolute realism who has
Neglected to
Indulge himself and despite
Reality he has lost himself in his
Eternal pursuit of
All that is pure
List for me again the reasons why
List them just once more
You just have to understand that
Religion requires only faith, just like any other
Invention
Still born, you can be saved but
Kissing me doesn’t make anything go away, it doesn’t mean
That you love me or
Hate me just the same because it’s all
Irrelevant –you know, you
Shouldn’t believe everything ‘they’ say

Tomorrow you’ll feel the warmth of the stillness in the night
And I will bite my lip and I will squeeze my eyes shut real tight
Knowing I’m battling with depression as
If my life is on the line and
Nothing I know proves it couldn’t be so I’m not
Gonna waste any of my time
Misplaced I was laying cold
You might say a little unlikely but
There’s something about having control that
Has had me adventuring nightly

Oh but this isn’t the first time that someone I thought
Understood got up and crossed the line
Greeted me from the other side of the fence
Held my hand and his breath
Taunted me with visions skewed
Serenaded me with a tune decorated with notes
Ascending toward the hotel ceiling
Say it again, but say it this time with some feeling

In your dreams you’ve envisioned me
Doing what I am to you
Endlessly you’ve turned to me
And asked me what I think of you
Now we’re here so you’re paradoxically paralyzed
Dead plans and still hands are
Hanging at my side I’m
Eager to hear what your excuse is this time

And in the taxi ride home on the morning after
Ruthlessness came to me and from all that
I gather you can
Negotiate and
Go to any length you wish but
Someday you too will substitute your
Intelligence for selfishness

Rendering your stories
Encircled by absolution we teach you that
Nothing ever stays the same those like us will